Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Stress sucks..

I have too much stress. This is not a new revelation in my life, its something I have known for years… and years. In college after almost a week of no sleep and a semi psychotic break I found myself at Campus Health Services talking to a man about why I was losing sleep at night. I told him about who I was, what I did, and talked and talked and talked. He jotted notes nodded as I went and in the end told me two things; that I have abandonment issues and that I’m too stressed. As a college students both of these were moments were I wanted to just roll my eyes and tell him “well duh!” but, I kept my mouth shut, left his office, and never returned. The truth is I have always over stressed myself with tasks, responsibilities, work, family, life, and the like. I find that having things to do is what makes me happy. I have, over the years, tried to be aware of this stress and the toll it has on my life. Its why I left my ex-husband. Its why I try to keep my life managed as best as possible, doing a little of everything everyday so I don’t get overwhelmed. But now, it’s decision time. What do I cut to take out the stress? Do I find a new job? Do I find my job at a new location where for the first few years I won’t be so stressed? Do I hunker down dig deep and make  my current job less stressful and cut someplace else? It’s a balancing act. I was approached yesterday in the hall by I woman I both respect and admire who looked at me, smiles and said, I need a hug. After a long hug we discussed the proverbial balls that we keep in the air. As soon as one comes down, we toss it back up in the air and hopefully through the powers that be and the powers of the force we can balance them all up there. But over time, I feel my powers weakening and, in the end, I will need to remove some of these tasks, and focus on what truly makes me happy. 

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