Monday, January 27, 2014

We're In the Teens

Yup, that's right, the count down to the wedding is in the teens, and I'm full of stress. Lots and lots and lots of stress.


Oh well that's simple. I feel like I've forgotten something HUGE. Will it alter m life? Whatever I have forgotton will simply have to be forgotten for now. But today, its hard to let it go. But I am doing some good things so far....

I have been working out almost every other day. This is good.
I have signed up for some yoga classes, GO GROUPON!
I have been tring to just take things one tackle at a time. This is good too.
I'm trying to remember that there is life after the wedding, like a honeymoon that I have to pack for and buy clothes for. Yikes!

I feel like I'm letting everyone down. Not in some emotional way, but when they ask if I'm excited, of course I am, but there is also a big part of me, the majority of me, that is just ready to get on it the next phase, with the next part, and I'm so sad that I'm not letting myself enjoy this part. Being engaged, having it be about us even in a little way. My goal this week is to let the stress go, finalize the projects for the wedding, make myself some lists, and just let it good.

Happy Monday everyone!

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Don't Go To Bed Angry

At my recent Bridal Shower, the hostesses had others in the group provide me marriage advice. It was sweet, and many people responded with their own special recommendations.

Remember to do the small things.

Don't sweet the petty stuff.

But the most common piece of wedding advice was don't go to bed angry. Its so simple yet so missed by so many people. There is so much more time for love if you just let it go. Someone the other day asked me, are you and Bryon really as happy as you seem? The question stunned me at first. Of course we are. We are one of the most on the surface couples I know and that is not meant to seem smug, but we are. We don't hold on to grudges, we talk about everything, and we respect each other unconditionally. And maybe that's the difference.

Online dating has changed the face of the world. More and more often when people ask me how we met and I respond with "We met online" the typical next comment is "oh I have a friend that" or "oh I met my husband on" or "which website?!?". Its becoming more and more common. The only thing that people want to know is "how does it work?".

What people don't understand is that, its actually quite simply because we started this whole thing, our relationship, our engagement, and will start our marriage, with all of our cards on the table. Its easy to be honest with someone over a computer screen, through text message. And by easy, I mean that it is easy to be frank. It is, ironically, the same reason that cyber bullying is so prevalent, because you say things via the internet you would perhaps never say to someone in person. Dating is no different. You go on a date, you talk to someone, but you don't talk about the "big" things.

Religion. Politics. Money. Children. Drugs. Alcohol. Family. Holidays. Failed relationships.

You ignore them, you just want the person to like you. And then you get trapped. You invest months, even years, hoping that you can make something work. I see it all the time with my friends, they get themselves trapped. At our age, I can't believe I just said that, we can't invest that kind of time. So how does an online dating profile allow for all the cards to be on the table? If I still had access to my profile page, you would be amazed the kinds of things I was willing to share with the public.

I want children. I'm a teacher, and my work matters. I am not invested in religion, but I don't want to raise a child who is unintelligent on how the world works. My family and my friends are some of the most important things to me. I've been married, I've been divorced. When you start with your cards on the table, there are less questions, more answers, and what I consider to be my non-negotiables, were already quite literally spelled out in black and white.

So where am I going with all of this?

People need to talk about things. You need to have the big conversations. You need to talk about the fight before you go to bed because going to bed angry, allowing the anger to seethe, to grow, to manifest, is worse than anything you can do to your relationship. And remember, sometimes relationships don't work. The only way to find a relationship that does work is to admit when one is not working, and move on.

Love yourself. Love others. And always make sure that your husband is your partner and best friend.

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Paradise and the New Year

A new year and a new set of rules. Well, rules is probably a bad way to phrase it, but a new set of goals? I hate the new year quite frankly, I never know what to say. People want to talk about their new resolutions. Why is that we need a new year to put us into gear? To make us feel like we are in control of our own lives?

Its process versus product. I have nothing more than that to say about it. Can't we change the processes we are following in order to look towards a better product instead of setting a product goal?

I for one have a very personal goal and how that comes will be a special process. It will be near and dear to my heart, and it is something I don't want ot share. So how do I make other people understand that? How do i communicate it to them?

Instead I sit and say nothing, I write, and I take in the fact that I have such amazing friends. What I would do without them I have no idea what I do know is that they make my life complete. The year 2013 was filled with amazing changing and experiences, Bryon and I got engaged, we merged our households, we planned a wedding side by side, and we did so with smiles on our faces 99% of the time, I won NaNo for the 3rd time, and we hosted about a million get togethers for both friends and family. If 2014 is even half s amazing as 2013 it will be a great year.